Rejuvenation
by Aurianna
Summary: Another superfluous post-Grave & S6 fic. The Scoobies try to deal with the happenings of last year (whether through forgiving, making amends, or moving on). And among other things, as everyone is trying to defeat their personal demons, Spike returns.
1. Give & Take

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Disclaimer: These characters and stuff don't belong to me. It's all about Joss and ME. I'm just borrowing their characters… Because… Well… I'm bored.

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Rating: Um… PG-13 for now. By the end it would probably be what I'd call PG-15, but I'll probably just have to upgrade it to R. But I'm not sure yet. Whatever… We shall see.

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Spoilers: Anything before the Season 6 finale "Grave" is up for grabs

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Author's Note: Set at the end of the summer after "Grave" Also, I didn't do too much with the inner monologue or narrator omniscient point of view. So, it's not [necessarily] bad writing; I just wanted to make it more like the show.

Rejuvenation

Chapter 1 - Give & Take

"Ow! That hurt, you creep!" Dawn shouted through gritted teeth when the vampire standing before her punched her in the jaw. He was pretty spry for a fledgling, and Dawn was beginning to wonder if she could really take him on. He threw another punch, but she blocked it while looking to the side. There was a rustling in the bushes and she knew what would emerge the second she showed a moment's weakness, so she pressed on.

The vamp rushed for her neck, but she ducked. He pivoted quickly around, but was stopped by Dawn's words. "Hey! Weren't you that upperclassman I had such a crush on last year?" Dawn asked, tilting her head.

The vampire paused and blushed. "Oh, maybe. Mike Ude?" he said, shaking off his game face.

"Oh, guess not." Dawn said passively, shoving her stake through his heart. Then, "Sucker," as he turned to dust. "That's what you get for messing with Dawn the vampire slayer."

"Dawn the 'what exactly was that?'" Buffy said as she walked out from behind the bush.

"Oh, um… Dawn the model sister and occasional patrolling pal of Buffy, the one and only active vampire slayer?"

"Yeah. That's what I thought you said." Buffy said as she reached her arm around her sister's shoulders. "Good job with that vamp. Though, it was a bit mean. The guy looked like a dweeb. Probably didn't get many dates, and you got his hopes up."

"Well, some of us don't have it easy like you. When one only possesses half of a slayer's strength she has to rely more on her womanly charms and cunning."

"I see."

"And besides," Dawn added, "If he turned out to be cute, I figured we could have caught a movie or something before I dusted him."

Buffy's eyes narrowed as she grumbled, "Is there _any_ way I could scold you for saying that without your bringing up _my_ past indiscretions?" 

"Not a chance in hell," Dawn smirked, turning to face Buffy.

"I didn't think so," Buffy sighed in fake resentment. Then, on cue, "And watch your mouth." Dawn just giggled. "You're really trying to provoke me tonight, aren't you?"

"What else are little sisters for?" Dawn asked with another smile.

"Well, that's what I've been trying to figure out for years. But I'm sure we'll eventually find a way of putting you to good use, so don't you worry."

Dawn retaliated with her wittiest response.

"Dawn, stick that tongue back in your mouth." Buffy was laughing but was suddenly brought back into focus. There was a presence that made her feel uneasy. She could feel a vampire watching them. "Dawn. Heads up. There are some more vamps here."

Buffy and Dawn stood back-to-back awaiting another fight. They had to wait a few minutes before two female vampires rushed out at them.

"I guess my crush line won't work so well on these guys, huh?" Dawn commented.

"Oh, I don't know. You could try it." Buffy said, kicking the blonde vampire in the stomach. "You never know. Maybe they'd take to it. Either that, or it could freak them out and distract them. Either way." She said, kicking the blonde again, this time in the chin.

"I don't know. I'm thinking another tactic." Dawn said, punching a redheaded vamp in the face.

"Oh, and what's that?" Buffy asked, staking her vamp.

"This." Dawn said as she grabbed the neckline of the vampire's skintight dress and ripped it down the center.

"Hey!" the vampire shouted as she attempted to cover herself. Dawn quickly spun her around and stabbed her through the back.

"Ick. Probably not the most aesthetically pleasing way to kill a vamp." Dawn said, making a face.

"Oh. Well she deserved it. That dress was so last year. Even for Hollywood Boulevard. She should know. Sunnydale's a small town. Don't want to dress like a tramp, or you could get a bad reputation."

"Right." Dawn said, brushing the dust off her hands. "So, Magic Box time?"

"Yup. Willow's in desperate need of some cheering up. We should deliver if we don't want to end up being blind or engaged to anyone or anything." Buffy stated as she started walking in the direction of the shop.

"Yeah, or if we don't want the cutest boy in school seeing us sucking our thumbs and carrying around blankies." Dawn added, following Buffy.

"Huh?" Buffy let out, stopping. Dawn ran into her back and almost fell down.

"Yeah," Dawn said, as they resumed walking. "Willow said I was acting like a baby, so for a whole day at school I drank from a bottle and stuff. I got sent to the councilor's office. When I kept insisting that she change my diaper, she was about ready to schedule me for weekly sessions. The next day I had to tell people I did it on a dare, and even that didn't really save me. I'm just glad I'm at a new school now where not everyone knows about that. Why else did you think I didn't have any friends?" Dawn asked.

"I don't know. I just figured it was because you're a pain." Buffy smiled, resuming their walk.

"You are so annoying."

"Yeah. I know. Great isn't it?"

In their haste and preoccupation with their banter, the two sisters didn't notice the third vampire watching them from behind a tree.

"Oh my sweet, sweet girls," Spike said, shaking his head as he made his way towards the road.

-----------------

It wasn't very late by the time the girls reached the newly renovated Magic Box. Various people were still walking the sidewalks, window-shopping.

"Blah. I know it's only 8:30, but you'd think people in Sunnydale would get a clue and just… go home." Then, Dawn shouted out, "Go home people! Stores are closed! Warm beds! Think about it!"

"It'll never happen. The day people stop coming out at night will be the day that vampires suddenly become allergic to the moon instead of the sun." Buffy said, lightly pushing Dawn through the Magic Box doorway.

"Buffy! Dawn! Glad you could come join the party." Xander said when the sisters entered the shop. "We've got pizza. And Giles bought us champagne," he said excitedly from his chair.

"Yes. It's very rewarding having a grownup friend. Though, in case you've forgotten, Xander, we're all over 21. We can buy our own booze now." Anya said from her seat next to Xander's.

"I know but it's more fun pretending it's a big deal." 

"Well I think Dawn and I are just going to have some Pepsi." Buffy said, reaching for the two-liter bottle.

"Speak for your self," Dawn said, reaching for the champagne bottle.

"Yeah, Buffy. Dawn is really many millennia old." Willow said. Then, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "The only other person here remotely close in age to Dawn is Giles."

"I beg your pardon." Giles said, flailing his arms in Anya's direction, "But Anya is some 1100 years old."

"I know." Willow said with a content smile.

"Well I never. You. Get out of my home!" Giles pointed to the door.

"Aww…" Willow said, getting up from her chair and circling around the table to Giles' seat. "You know I'm just teasing." She draped her arms over his shoulders and gave him a hug. "I like older men. They're smart. And they buy us presents and champagne."

"Yes. Older men are sexy." Anya said before taking a bite of her pizza.

"Um. Ew." Dawn said, as she was about to sip the champagne she'd poured during the conversation.

"I don't think so," Buffy said, grabbing the glass out of Dawn's hand and immediately replacing it with a plastic cup filled with Pepsi. Dawn pouted.

"So, why the champagne. What are we celebrating?" Dawn asked, after swallowing some soda.

"My 'Willow's been home from England for a week' party." Willow said.

"Wasn't that two days ago?" Dawn asked, confused.

"No, that was the 'Willow's been home from England for five days' party." Xander said, smiling at Willow. She smiled back.

"What's the difference?" Dawn asked absently.

"Well, uh… This time, I got a balloon." Willow said, pointing to the shiny red balloon tied to her vacated chair at the head of the table. "So Buffy, are you going to go back out patrolling tonight?" she asked, leaving Giles' side and making her way back to her seat.

"Yeah, probably. I got weird vibes. By a quarter after eight we'd already run into three vampires-"

"And I killed two of them!" Dawn interrupted.

"Yes, Dawn killed two of them," Buffy said, trying to continue, "Also broke a heart and saw a peepshow in the process."

"Sounds like she's adopting your style of fighting vampires." Anya said pleasantly to Buffy, not noticing the five pairs of eyes looking at her incredulously. 

Xander scoffed before saying, "Yeah, or yours," glaring at Anya.

"What?" Anya said angrily, snapping her head to look at Xander. "I can not believe you, Xander Harris." She said, getting up from her chair. "Come with me to the back room if you have some things you need to say… Things that you've said over and over again… For many months… About things that happened… Many months ago!"

"No. I'd rather not." Xander said quietly, shrinking into his seat.

"Well, obviously you can't deal with it, and obviously you aren't mature enough to hold your tongue and not make our friends uncomfortable, so I'll just leave. Goodbye everyone. Rupert, I'm sure you'll lock up. Willow, I'm happy you're home and making jokes about Giles." She half smiled and walked to the door. Then she added, "Make some about Xander too." Then, with the ringing of the little bell, she was gone.

Xander shrunk further into his chair when he met the four accusing glances. "Well she started it."

"So, I killed two vampires tonight!" Dawn said, trying to draw the attention to herself.

"Indeed. Very good Dawn." Giles looked at the expressions on the three young adults' faces and took a hint. "Well, yes. Buffy's obviously done a superb job of teaching how to defend yourself-"

"Tell that to my jaw," Dawn interrupted, rubbing her reddened jaw.

"Well, as you don't possess a slayer's full healing capabilities, it seems only more natural that we should start training in long range tactics as soon as possible."

"As soon as possible as in now? But the party…" Dawn started, on the verge of whining.

"I'll show you how to use the crossbow." Giles started.

"Cool. I'm there." Dawn said, jumping up from her seat.

Willow waited until Dawn and Giles were safely behind the closed door of the training room before standing up, walking around the table, and smacking Xander in the back of the head. "Stupid!"

"Ow!" he squealed, nursing the back of his skull.

"Are you trying to ruin everything? You guys were finally getting along." Willow shouted.

"What? She started it. She made that crack about Buffy. Isn't that right Buff?"

Buffy sat there for a moment. She had yet to comment on either Anya or Xander's comments. She thought for a moment before replying. "Anya showed about as much tact as usual. Though I appreciate your trying to stand up for me, if that was what you were doing, it was really my place to speak up if I was offended. And really, for the most part, I wasn't. The way I phrased it, I had it coming. And it really was kind of funny."

"Heh. Yeah. I was giggling on the inside," Willow agreed.

"Xander, you shouldn't jeopardize your relationship with Anya to protect me. Not that I'm totally convinced that's what went on. If you were just being spiteful…" Buffy paused to notice Xander's expression; a guilt ridden-scowl hybrid. She sighed, then continued. "Xander, I can't judge you or your feelings. A big part of me can understand where you're coming from. But if you want to get back together with Anya, you're going to have get over some stuff or talk to her or at least keep your emotions and comments in check." She took another breath. "Ok. No more preachy Buffy."

"Who said I wanted to get back together with her?" Xander asked in a childish tone.

"Well you- never have, have you?" Willow said, suddenly sheepish. "Well, have you? I've been out of the loop for a while."

"No, I never have. Thinking about loving her… It's just painful. Sometimes I think I should just move on; we should just be friends."

"You'll never be friends." Buffy whispered under her breath. No one seemed to hear.

"Well then Xander… I guess you know better than anyone how you should handle things." Willow said. Her voice sounded sad.

"Yeah. I have all the answers. Call me answer man," he said in a deadpan, yet bitter voice.

An awkward silence settled over the room for a few seconds, until Buffy couldn't take it anymore. "Well guys, I guess I should go do the patrol thing soon. Need to get Dawn home, it being a school night and all." The others voiced their agreement weakly. "Doesn't sound convincing to either of you guys either, huh? Oh well. I tried." She said, walking over to the door. "Haven't heard any yelps of pain from Giles. Guess Dawn hasn't shot him in the leg yet." She turned to her friends, noticing thankfully that their moods had lightened a little. "Better stop her now, while she's ahead."

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Dawn waved her good-byes to everyone turned to Xander, "Now you behave. I'll have my eye on you." Xander smiled as Dawn turned exited the shop.

"Yeah, so Willow, I guess we should go too," Xander said subdued. "They want us at work by six tomorrow to get some work done before the storm. So I'll be getting up in the wee hours of the morning. Lemme get my keys. Bye Buffy," He said, as he started heading for the counter.

"Xander wait. I get a proper goodbye," Buffy said, grabbing Xander in a hug before. "Don't worry Xander. I understand you. We still love you." Buffy whispered into her ear. Xander smiled and squeezed her a little tighter before letting her go and walking to the counter to retrieve his car keys.

Buffy then waved to Willow and Giles and was half way out the door when Willow grabbed her sleeve. "Oh, Buffy, I had something I wanted to ask you."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Angel hasn't come to town, has he?" Willow asked quietly, as to not let Xander overhear.

"Not to my knowledge. Why?" Buffy asked, suspiciously.

"Oh. No reason. I guess I'm just getting my vibes all crossed with the magic treatments and meditations and stuff. No worries. I'll see you later."

"Ok Will, if you say so." Buffy said. She exited the shop and caught up to Dawn who'd already wandered a few yards away. She paused and waved to Xander and Willow as they drove off. Then she turned her attention back to her sister. "Hey Dawny. Sorry to cut your practice short, but I just had to-"

"Get the hell out of there?" Dawn finished.

"Yeah. Something like that." She walked silently in thought for a while, but then continued. "I thought things had been getting better over the summer. Xander had started acting more like his old self again."

"Not so stressed and wiggy?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah. He and Anya were getting along. And he was more… quippy Xander again. Not so much 'jump on everyone's case about the Spike and demon thing' Xander." Buffy sighed.

"Well, maybe he was just defending you."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Well, it's good to see Willow joking and good moody." Dawn said, trying to lighten the conversation.

"Yeah. She's still in pain. I know it. But she's dealing with it well. Better than any of us were dealing with our pain a year ago."

"Yeah. Giles said something about the meditations being very calming. She's gotten to do lots of soul searching. Finding inner peace and moderation to deal with the magic temptations or something like that." Dawn said.

"Yeah. I guess so. And I guess living with Xander helps. They've really been there for each other lately."

The sisters quieted after that. Thinking to themselves as they walked home.

-----------------

"Ah ha! Secret admirer strikes again!" Dawn said excitedly, bounding onto the front porch. She tossed Buffy a small box before hastily tearing into the wrapping on a larger package marked "Dawn."

Buffy held on to the small gift and didn't open it. Instead she watched as Dawn opened hers. "I don't know what else you could possibly need. You've already gotten your own mini weapons trunk, cookies, and a very stylish, yet practical crucifix."

"Hmm. How about this teddy bear wearing a neat little necklace?" Dawn asked excitedly showing Buffy her bounty.

"Let me look at that." Buffy said, fingering the pendant around the stuffed polar bear's neck. "Looks like a protection amulet of some kind. God. You're getting so spoiled with this stuff."

"Yeah. Not that I mind, though," Dawn said with a grin before opening the front door.

Buffy didn't follow. Instead she sat down on the steps and opened her present. It was a comb, an antique looking one with inlaid jewels. Buffy smiled and absently fingered her hair that now nearly reached to the bottom of her shoulder blades. She then looked out into the night. "Whoever you are, you're spoiling me too."

-----------------

Buffy walked up the stairs softly and entered her room. She shut the door behind her and laid her new comb on her dresser. Then she squatted by her bed and pulled a crate out from underneath it.

She examined the contents, which were definitely more romantic in nature than Dawn's gifts. She picked out the antique locket. It was a small white gold heart with intricate designs engraved on it. She opened the catch to look inside, but it was empty. "Yeah. I guess you'd still be empty, wouldn't you?" She put it back into the crate and pulled out a mahogany box. It was simple but pretty. She got up and retrieved the comb, and then placed it inside. Finally, she pulled out a stake. It was normal enough, but it had a shiny finish, and her name was carved in it.

She was still holding it when Dawn barged into her room and plopped down on her bed. "I want to see your latest treasure. No fair hiding it away before I get to see it." Then she noted what Buffy was holding. "Yeah. That was kinda weird. I got a pretty handmade chest… and you got a stake."

"I don't know," Buffy said, clutching the stake protectively. "I think it's kind of poetic. And I'm the slayer. A stake is the most practical and useful thing I could own. Very thoughtful, I think."

"Yeah. Uh huh. Sure. I think Xander just ran out of ideas, so you're excusing him." Dawn said absently, grabbing at the comb inside the mahogany box. "But this was a good idea… Pretty."

"Xander?" Buffy asked.

"Uh. Yeah. Duh. Come on Buffy. The stake? My trunk? Your box? All very Xander and carpenter-esque."

"You think Xander is my secret admirer?!" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Well why not? He's not with Anya anymore and he's always been practically in love with you. And just look at tonight. He defended you. And don't think I didn't see the hug! He was definitely trying to cop a feel," Dawn said, fingering the comb.

"Wow. He did say that maybe he thought he should move on. But to me? Like this? I can't see it. It's XANDER. We're like… related."

"Fine. Think what you want, and I'll think what I want." Dawn said, placing the comb back in the box. "But hey," She said, walking towards the door, "Don't break his heart or anything. I don't want the prezzies to stop right away. I'm still hoping he'll spring for a car." Then she left the room and closed the door behind her.

Buffy put the rest of her gifts back in the crate and shoved it under the bed. "Xander? That's… strange…" she looked thoughtful for a second, then she frowned.

Buffy stood up and walked towards her closet. "Must find more patrol friendly outfit… Xander. Huh. Weird." She opened its door and rummaged around until Spike's leather duster caught her eye. She looked at and tugged gently at the end of one of the sleeves before grabbing a pair of jeans to change into.


	2. Forgive & Forget

Rejuvenation

Chapter 2 - Forgive & Forget

"So, what do you think you'd do, in the same situation? If this brother type guy was in love with you? And you weren't totally sure of your feelings, but you were pretty sure you didn't feel the same way. Like… It's too incesty and you still have baggage from another relationship. But you don't want to hurt this guy, because you do love him dearly and he's been so good to you and given you presents and stuff. So what do you think?"

"If I help you, is there any way that you won't stake me?" the vampire in Buffy's chokehold asked.

"Oh, no. Probably not."

"Ok then. I say, get piss assed drunk, sleep with the guy, then let me go," he said, elbowing her in the stomach.

She let out a small "oof" noise as she doubled over in pain. Then she watched the vampire run away. "Thanks," She called out, half-heartedly. "Hmm. Doesn't really seem like bad advice."

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It was very dark outside and the lights at the Magic Box were off by the time Buffy got there. "Wakey wakey." She said, continuously punching a doorbell.

She waited a few moments before Giles came to the door in a blue terrycloth robe, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Buffy, is there a problem? What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Got anymore liquor?"

----------------

"Remind me again why Xander installed a doorbell that rings in my bedroom?" Giles asked sleepily, pouring Buffy a drink.

"So that you can always be woken up in the middle of the night to have drinks with me." Buffy said taking a shot and making a distinctive, "bleck" sound. "Yeah. I know it's only been a week, but how's this place working out for you? Aside from the late night inconveniences?" Buffy asked motioning to the surrounding basement room.

There was a small bed and nightstand in one corner and a radio in another. Giles sat in a chair that belonged to his messy desk and Buffy sat on the only other piece of furniture in the room, a shabby loveseat. The room was smaller than her old dorm room, but it had an attached kitchen, of which the contents seemed to be three cabinets, two drawers, a mini fridge, a hotplate, a sink and a table big enough for one. "Living the high life, eh?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, it's perfectly acceptable. I didn't want anymore than this. It will do just fine."

"For you to live in? In Sunnydale? Forever?"

"Yes, Buffy, I'm staying in Sunnydale."

"Good," Buffy said, and then remained quiet for a moment. Then she perked up again. "Yeah, and added bonus, now vampires can't get into the shop, because you live here now." Buffy said in a chirpy voice.

"Yes. Quite right. Though, Anya didn't think of that before she agreed to the idea of my living here. Now I believe she's annoyed that she's lost their business. I think she's on the verge of putting up a sign that says, 'Enter all ye who will spend money here,' or something of the kind. Perhaps the vampires will leave money by the bed before they kill me in my sleep."

"You could open up some kind of drive-thru service like at the bank. They put their money in the tube, we shove their purchase out a slot. It would be great for business. A shop that actively services vampires. We'd get all the vampires' business, then I could go follow them and stake them while their hands are full of purchases. Good idea, huh? And you guys didn't think I had the business sense," she smirked before taking another drink.

"Yes, Buffy, you're quite the saleswoman. But may I ask again, not that I don't enjoy your company immensely, but what are you doing here?"

"Oh yeah. I'm not normally here at 1AM, am I?" Buffy said, stretching out on the seat. "Well. It's just that… Giles. Please tell me you've been leaving little presents for me and Dawn on my doorstep for the last two weeks. Please…"

"Buffy I'm sorry, but I've only been in Sunnydale this one week. I don't know what you're talking about. What's happened?"

Buffy let out a high pitched moan and took another drink. "I think Xander's in love with me."

"Oh dear. That's… odd. Are you sure?"

"No… But Dawn and I have been getting these presents… Handmade wooden stuff.. Chests, stakes, boxes… And I've been getting jewelry and… Xander acts like he doesn't want to be with Anya anymore and Dawn says Xander's always had this thing for me…"

She spit everything out so quickly that Giles had to struggle to understand it all. "Buffy, calm down. I think you're overreacting-"

"No I'm not! I can't take it. Enough with these guys who I can't or won't or don't love. Everyone just gets hurt. We all become these mushy puddles on the floor and then everyone leaves and I'm an even mushier bitch puddle because I drove them away and Xander can't go away… And what about Anya?" another drink.

"Buffy. Calm down. You're becoming incoherent. Be reasonable. You don't even know for sure. Perhaps you should speak with Xander about this first before you get so worked up that you can't think straight." Then, on second thought, "Well, maybe you're already past that… Before you can't walk straight." He concluded.

Buffy let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not that big of a deal. So what's up with you?"

Giles simply smiled.

----------------

"Yes, Willow's doing quite well. I'm proud of her. I think the meditations are helping to ease her grief and guilt." Giles beamed.

"I'm glad she's dealing so well, but I'm surprised. I feel like I should hate her, but I can't. And you. You guys seem so close now. You two really got with the bondage… of the uncle type variety. The uncle variety, right?

"Um, yes. Quite," he said, wiping his glasses before placing them back on his nose. "Willow did some things that most would think of as unforgivable, to myself included."

"Yeah. She tried tortured you then slurped the magic out of you like a cold Dr. Pepper."

"Yes. Uh, right. But, it seems the best thing to do is forgive her. Then I can move on with her and help her make herself into a better person again." He cleared his throat and continued. "I understand what she was going through. The grief, of losing someone you love is so over powering. It makes one do unbelievable things. And when you add on the fact that Willow had so many powers and abilities that she'd been suppressing for Tara, it's only natural that they'd come out in such force with such rawness-"

"Yeah. But she killed Warren. She did something really, super bad and we're just forgiving it?" Buffy interrupted. Something about what Giles was saying bothered her. A lot.

"Buffy? Are you all right? Are you suddenly second-guessing your feelings for Willow? I thought we discussed that I wouldn't bring her home unless you were sure that you felt ok about her…"

"No. I'm not second-guessing… I'm just thinking, about Warren. And the badness."

"Yes. From what I've heard, he'd become quite a threat. He murdered. His trio utilized magic and demons. He was as large a threat as any other demon, only more so because you didn't have the jurisdiction to destroy him. If it hadn't been for Willow, you'd be dead and there's no telling what havoc Warren would have caused."

"That's like saying, 'Hey, let's kill an innocent woman because her unborn son may grow up to be a murderer.' I _meant _I was thinking of _Willow _killing Warren. That badness. Lots of badness therein lies."

"Buffy, are you arguing with me for the sake of arguing? I would think, that from what you've seen as the slayer, you should know better than anyone that things are not just black and white. There are shades of gray, and there is red. Willow acted on the red. She killed someone who was morally ambiguous for the person she loved, just as I have, or would have and just as you almost did, once long ago." 

He stopped to take a much-needed breath and continued. "Yes. Willow killed a person. I have no idea whether God will forgive her, but I know I do, because I must. Because I love her. Because she needs it to believe that she can be a good person again. And because forgiving her keeps me from going absolutely insane with thoughts of what she's done to me and those I hold dear. I have no other explanations. This is one thing I cannot rationalize. I don't know why or how people forgive certain things, I just know that I do." 

He paused to huff another breath, then started again in a much softer tone. "Obviously you have qualms about Willow's place in our lives, which is understandable, but I really wish you would have voiced your concerns to me before I brought her home. The last thing Willow needs is someone pretending to be her friend. She's very intuitive. She still holds traces of the magic she took from me. She can sense pain and emotions in people. And if you're only giving her fake comfort, she'll know it, and the results could be devastating. So I believe, that along with your planned conversation with Xander, you must also think long and hard about your feelings and discuss them with Willow. Either that, or you should just leave her alone until you can get over it." Another pause. "And now I think I've talked far too long and I need another drink. Give that to me," He said, reaching for the bottle in Buffy's hands, which she was using to pour herself a drink with.

"No, Giles. You're right. I love her. I've forgiven her. I'm just having a hard time with it. Like… Am I a bad person for excusing her actions?"

"You're not excusing the actions. You're forgiving the person. It takes a strong person to forgive, Buffy, not a bad one."

"Yeah. I don't like this conversation. It's making me think things I don't want to think. Bad stuff… Must stop…"

"Buffy?"

"Nothing. Never mind. I think I agree with you. Just, all this uncharted, moral territory is making my head do the spins."

"No, that may be the alcohol, Buffy." He laughed at his own joke and continued. "All right. How about we discuss something else? Something light… and comical."

"Like?"

"Xander being in love with you, perhaps?"

To that, he got a couch cushion thrown at his head.

"Please Giles…"

"Oh Buffy. What's so terrible about the idea?"

"Other than… He's like my brother… He recently left a woman at the altar, who, strangely enough, had become my friend… And if that so-called ex-girlfriend was pissed enough, I'm sure she could find someone to wish my head would be turned into an olive… And I guess he's cute but I don't really get _those_ types of fuzzy feelings for him… And it seems that eventually any guy I truly allow myself to care about leaves… And… Well…"

"Yes?"

"It's just that…" She let out, sounding self conscience, "Also… Spike's not exactly a distant memory yet."

"No? Well then here. Hopefully another drink can fix that," Giles said, pouring her another shot.

"Ha ha." Buffy said, unenthusiastically. "No. The thing is, I don't exactly want him to become a faint memory."

"Buffy…"

"No, Giles. I know. Spike's the type of guy no girl should ever get involved with. But I **did **get involved with him. And the thing is, that it wasn't always bad. Sometimes he made me feel really good. And sometimes, when things were bad, it wasn't his fault that they were bad. It was mine."

"Well that very well may be, Buffy, but what he tried to do to you, that last night. That was his fault."

"Well maybe… But I don't know. We always seemed to operate on mixed signals and violence-"

"No, Buffy. In no way were you responsible for what happened. In no way were you deserving of it."

"I know, Giles. I know. But that stuff you said, about losing a loved one then doing something rash in a moment of blind passion, with all the abilities suppressed and all that. He just snapped, a lot like Willow did. And I'm able to forgive Willow so…"

"Buffy. Don't even think about it. It's not the same, and it's not an issue anymore. Spike is gone, Buffy."

"Yeah, I know… I just feel hypocritical."

"Buffy. Don't. It wasn't the same-"

"No. It wasn't. He didn't try to kill me." Then she gave a bitter laugh. "He's killed less people in the last three years than Willow has in the last five months. He just got carried away. So how is my forgiving Willow different from-"

"Shhh, Buffy," Giles soothed, reaching out to stroke her hair. He could tell she was getting upset again. "Buffy. Don't think about it. Don't dwell in the past. Not over this. No good will come of it."

"Yeah. You're right. I think the alcohol is just making me do the wacky."

"Yes dear," Giles smiled knowingly. "I think a good night's rest would do you good. Though, it's already 4AM.

"4AM?! I left Dawn all night. I should call…"

"Buffy, Dawn is much stronger and knowledgeable than most girls _your_ age. And what? They let **twelve**-year olds baby-sit these days. I'm sure she's fine."

"Yeah. I guess you're right… But it's so late… and I'm so tipsy…"

"Well, you're welcome to spend the night here with me." Then Giles became disgusted when he saw Buffy's aghast look. "Oh don't be daft! I meant you could sleep here."

"Well I don't know. Little brother wants to jump my bones. Why not Daddy too?" Buffy teased.

"Oh Buffy! That's quite disgusting. Please do go away now. I'll drive you home."

"No. You've been drinking. I can walk. I have some things I need to do, anyway."

"Things you need to do? But Buffy, it's four in the morning."

"Yeah, but you know what they say. The early bird catches the neato stuff, or whatever."

"Well alright, but do be careful. You're not at your best right now."

"No, really, Giles, I'm fine." Buffy said, suddenly straightening up, and seeming more "with it." She got up and moved to the stairs. "I'm good to go. Thanks for the talk…" She said, taking the first step up.

"Oh! Buffy. Could you do me a favor?"

She turned to look at him. "Yup. Sure thing. What is it?"

"Well, Dawn and I didn't have much of a chance to practice with the crossbow. I was wondering if you could take her one to practice with. She could shoot pigeons or something of the kind."

Buffy sighed. "You're all work and no play. You have to let some people have some good kid fun. You're not young forever. Though, you probably know that better than anyone." Buffy said, smirking at Giles.

"Oh get out of here. Go on. Do your young people things and your 'neato stuff.'" He said in mock aggravation. Then he softened. "But you will bring a crossbow to Dawn?"

"Sure. Why not? Hopefully I'm not so drunk that I'll shoot myself in the foot with it." She said, turning to him and grinning. "Bye Giles. I'll see you later. Hugs and kisses and all that," She finished as she walked up the steps.

----------------

Buffy stood outside the apartment door and knocked. She waited a few moments before she heard a scrambling Xander's muffled on the other side.

"Just a minute! I wasn't expecting you so early. Hold on. I'm here."

Buffy waited expectantly outside before the door opened slightly to reveal Xander fumbling with his bathrobe tie. Then, in a voice so soft and adoring, it made Buffy shiver, he said, "Hi-," before looking up to meet her eyes. Then, surprised at Buffy's presence, "Buffy!"

"Uh, hey Xander," Buffy said, looking around nervously. She didn't seem to register his shock. "I'm sorry to come by so early, but I needed to talk to you."

"Uh, yeah, sure. Just… Do you mind if I get dressed while we talk?"

"What? Dressed? In there? With you? And the nakedness…"

"Well, I was more thinking I'd get dressed in the bedroom, and you'd stay in the living room, but be my guest if you'd rather…"

"Oh, no, the living room is just fine," Buffy said, opening the door all the way and stepping into Xander's apartment. 

"So…" Xander said, walking across the living room to his bedroom. "What's up?"

"Well," she started, talking through the crack of Xander's bedroom door, "I'll make this as quick as possible." She took a deep breath and continued, "Ok. Xander, you know I love you, right?"

"Sure Buff. I love you too," he called from the bedroom.

"Yeah… I know you do… and that's the thing. With that stuff you said last night, about not wanting to get back together with Anya… and with the presents… the chests… which are very nice, by the way… It's just that, I figured it out. I know you're my secret admirer person, and I know you still have feelings for me and I'm flattered but-"

"What?!" Xander said in shock. He immediately came to the door only half dressed, clutching onto his shirt for dear life, with a look of sheer confusion on his face. "Buffy, I'm **not** in love with-" then he looked over Buffy's shoulder… "Anya!" Buffy immediately whipped her head around to see what had Xander in such panic.

"Well obviously you're not! Is this why you called me here at five in the morning? So I could witness your showing your sexy chest hair and confessing your love to your precious Buffy? Because that would be just about the cruelest thing you've ever done to me. And I'm saying this to the man that left me at the altar!" Anya screamed.

"No, Anya it's not what it looks like," Xander said, walking towards Anya.

"Put your shirt on!"

"Anya, you've got things wrong," he said momentarily muffled as he pulled the shirt over his head.

"I don't care what this is Xander. Just answer me this. Last night, did you or did you not say that you didn't want to get back together with me?"

"I didn't say it like that-"

"Enough!" she said, putting up a hand to silence Xander. Then her anger subsided and she just looked sad. "With everything that happened, I thought that maybe you'd grown up. I thought we could have a second chance and maybe get our fairy tale ending… or as fairy tale-ish as the Hellmouth would allow. But I was wrong. See you around, Xander."

Anya disappeared, and Xander fell to the floor, head in hands.

Buffy had watched the whole exchange silently, and suddenly felt very sick. "Xander…"

"God Buffy! Why…"

"Xander, I didn't know… I thought you were my… you know… Weren't you?"

"Weren't I what?" he said, looking up at her.

"Weren't you leaving me presents at my door? You know… the secret admirer bit?"

"Um, well let me think. Well, how about… NO."

"Xander, I'm sorry. I didn't know Anya was going to be here. Why **was** she here?"

"I don't know… I wanted to tie up some loose ends… I wanted to forgive her for sleeping with Spike… I wanted to beg her to forgive me for leaving her and for being an asshole… I wanted to propose again…"

"At 5 in the morning?!"

"Well, when I realized I wanted it, I also realized I wanted it as soon as possible… I thought we could get married tonight."

"But what about that stuff you said? It hurting too much to love her?"

"Well, it hurt more to not be with her… This time without her has been the most painful and empty time of my life. Maybe it won't work… Maybe it will be painful, but I have to try. I can't turn my back on love just because it might not be perfect. Not this time."

"Xander… I'm so sorry… I'll talk to her…"

"No, Buffy, don't worry about it," he said half-heartedly. "Chances are it probably wouldn't have ended much better than it did. She had no reason to forgive me."

"No, Xander. She said it. She said she thought you'd grown up, and obviously you have. She wants the same things. I'll talk to her. I'll get in contact with her, even if I have to find some guy, fall in love and get scorned to do it."

"Thanks Buff. I'd do the same for you."

"Yeah, I know you would." She smiled, and helped him off the floor. "And now you gotta go to work."

"Yeah. Don't you?'

"Nope. Today's my day off. My LAST day off… Then two straight weeks… Then…"

"Freedom?"

"Yup. From fast food, anyway."

"You know, one would think that after all the times you skipped out for days on end, they would have just fired you."

"Well, I guess they have a hard time finding people willing to work there. It came to the point where I was afraid they wouldn't let me quit."

"But they did."

"Yup. Lucky me." Buffy chirped, and they walked out he door.

----------------

When they got outside, they both looked up. "Wow. It's raining. That's never a good sign." Buffy said.

"Yeah… rain… let me drive you home."

"No. I've already made you almost-probably-late. I can walk."

"No, Buffy, I can't leave you in the rain."

"Yes, Xander. I've caused you enough problems today as it is."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said, not thinking.

"Uh, yeah, so you go," she said, sounding somewhat hurt.

"Ok, Buffy. I'll talk to you tonight," he said, getting into his new '96 Ford pickup truck. Then he drove off.

"Oh, this is just great," Buffy groaned, walking in the general direction of her house. "I haven't slept, I have a hangover. I just ruined my best friend's life… and now I'm walking home in the rain. How much worse can it get…" Then something caught her attention. "And why do I always do that 'speaking too soon' thing."

Hovering over the nearby cemetery was something that could only be described as a black glow.

"It's too bloody early for this," she said without thinking. Then she laughed.

But the laugh didn't last long. As she started walking through the graveyard, she was hit with a wave of nausea. She doubled over in pain and dropped the crossbow she'd managed to hold onto all night. Then, she unceremoniously vomited by a headstone shaped kind of like a lawn gnome.

Buffy sank to her knees and grimaced. "Yep. Great time for a hangover." But then she was hit with another wave of pain that knocked her on her back.

"Oh, it's a lot worse than a hangover, Child," said an out-worldly voice inside Buffy's head, which sounded more like three voices talking at once. "You get to experience all the pain you've caused, for yourself."

She trembled, and shut her eyes.

When she opened her eyes again, Xander and Anya stood before her, hands clasped. They just stared at her coldly. She stood and walked towards them, but their stare only became more hateful. She stepped back, but fell.

She was drowning. The water was black. The sky was black. There was no light anywhere, and she was sinking. She closed her eyes for a moment, and it somehow got darker. But when she opened them again, Willow was there, beside the water. "Willow!" Buffy called, but Willow didn't even look her way. She just cried. "Willow…" Buffy whispered, as she sank under the water.

Then someone grabbed her hands and pulled her forcefully out of the water, tossing her against a wall. She slid down the wall, onto the hard ground. She glanced quickly around the alley, to see who had saved her. "Spike?" she let out in a whisper. But he didn't reply. He just punched her, hard in the face. She could only look at him sadly as he continued his onslaught. The beating lasted for minutes, but she did nothing but stroke his face once before shutting her eyes. Then she felt his fangs sink into her throat. 

----------------

Buffy opened her eyes to find the vampire she'd fought earlier in the night, drinking her blood. "What in the…" She screamed, pushing him off of her as forcefully as she could in her weakened state. Then she jumped up for another fight. "Come on. It's morning. Don't tell me I'm going to have to start patrolling in the morning, too."

"Yeah, well, it's raining. There's no sun… and you pissed me off earlier. I wanted to repay you," the vamp said.

"And after I let you go and everything… Well, looks like I get to finally try out my new stake," she said, pulling out her favorite gift from her secret admirer.

But before she could even raise it, she dropped it, and fell to the ground clutching her leg. She looked up and saw a second vampire holding her discarded crossbow. "Shouldn't just leave these things lying around, hon. They're dangerous," it said.

Buffy winced and pulled the bolt out of her leg. Then, she promptly threw it with all her might at the smirking vampire. He quickly dusted and Buffy tried to stand, but it wasn't any use. The lack of sleep, hangover, drowning, beating, biting and bolting was too much. She turned her head sadly to look at the chump vampire that had beaten her, but she was only met with rain and dust…

And Spike. His hair was wet with rain and he held her stake in his hand. One look at her pained face and he pocketed the stake, bent down, and scooped her up in his arms.

"I knew it was you. Dawn thought it was Xander, so I went along with it… but I knew it was you," was all she said to him before she finally fells asleep in exhaustion.


	3. Back & Forth

****

A/N: I didn't intend to take a month to update this, especially since I had the first half of this written by the time I posted the first two chapters. But had a family emergency and all that, so to anyone who was actually reading this, sorry for the wait, and thank you for reading.

I'm worried I wrote myself into a hole here… But hey, I wanted it up. This story plagues me in my dreams. Eh… Maybe not. Thanks peeps. :D

Chapter 3 - Back & Forth

Buffy awoke with a groan. "How can every inch, inside and out hurt like this?" she asked sleepily, eyes still shut.

"Dunno, but it looks like you had a rough night."

Buffy's eyes opened immediately at the sound of Spike's voice. Her eyes darted around the room she recognized as the lower floor of Spike's crypt. She was snuggled up in a quilt, of all things, in a twin-sized bed. "New bed?" she asked.

"Yeah. Someone blew up my old one." And at that, he got up from his seat and walked to her side. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Buffy leaned back to take a look at the vampire she hadn't seen in nearly half a year. He was in his usual garb, black shirt and jeans, but his hair looked like it hadn't been tended to in weeks, possibly months. Brown and white mixed in unruly curls all over his head. "Your hair is weird," she said, still sounding groggy.

He unconsciously ran a hand through it. "Yeah? Wouldn't know. No reflection and all. Yours looks nice, though."

Buffy unconsciously mirrored Spike's action and put her hand to her hair. Then she felt the bandage on her neck. That woke her up. She tossed off the blanket and also saw the bandage right above her knee. "Spike… Why am I only wearing one of your shirts?"

"Your clothes were soaked. I didn't think leaving you in them would be good for you. And I needed to get to your leg." Then he saw the enraged look on her face. "What? I didn't look."

"Oh. Yes. Of course. The vampire that almost raped me didn't sneak a peak at my naked, unconscious body! I bet! Where are my clothes?!" She snapped, hopping out of the bed. Her leg didn't seem to bother her. She gave it a test wiggle. It had healed. "God. How long have I been here?"

"About eight hours," he said, placing her clothes on the bed.

"Turn around." She commanded, picking up her jeans. He complied without complaint, and it surprised Buffy. "What? No 'not like I haven't seen it all before?'" she said, mocking his accent.

He just stood in silence while she continued to dress.

"Ok. You can turn around now."

And as soon as he did, Buffy slapped him hard across his face. "Ow! God woman! What was that for? I bloody saved your life, you know."

"Yeah. You also slept with my friend, tried to violate me, and left me just as everything went to Hell. I'd say I'm entitled… So now I'm going, and if I were you, I'd stay away from me and mine, if you want to stay undusty."

----------------

"Well I think this qualifies as scorned, if scorned I must be," Buffy said, stalking towards the Magic Box in the afternoon sun, positioning her hair over the bandage on her neck.

When Buffy first entered the store, Anya looked up with a giant grin. But when she saw it was Buffy and not a customer, the grin melted into a frown and she coldly said, "Giles isn't here right now."

"Well actually, I wanted to talk to you. I'm glad you're here."

"To me? Why? To rub it in? That you got your revenge? Because wow! I'm sorry I slept with Spike, OK? You didn't need to take Xander from me. I didn't know Warren and his nerd herd were peeping toms. I didn't know you were in love with Spike. If I'd known, it never would have happened."

"Now Anya- hold on a sec. I was not… in love… with Spike. It was confusing and different but… No! That's not even the issue. I was not out for revenge. There was no revenging. I didn't try to steal Xander from you."

Buffy moved to the table and sat down. Anya followed suit.

"Well maybe you didn't set out to get him, but now that you've got him, you can have him. Feel free."

"But I don't want him!" Buffy started.

"Well," Anya said in a soft tone that reeked of sarcasm, "That's just great, isn't it? You don't want him." She paused only slightly, then continued, with her voice significantly rising in volume and pace. "You don't want him. The man I loved enough to marry." Then she was screaming. "The man that didn't want me, and left me, wants you now, and you don't even care! Well that's just great! Do you know how that makes me feel?!"

"Anya!" Buffy shouted, stopping the tirade. "You don't understand. I don't want Xander, and he doesn't want me either. He wants you." She turned to study Anya's expression, which was a cross between skeptical and hopeful. Then Buffy smiled and softened. "I'm sorry. I should have made myself more clear. Everything that happened this morning was just a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding?"

"A big misunderstanding."

"A big misunderstanding?"

"Big. With a cherry on top."

"That big, huh?"

"Big with a cherry and a capital 'wow.'"

"Misunderstanding. I see. Continue."

"Yeah, you see… I've had this secret admirer and Dawn told me she thought it was Xander-"

"So Xander was your secret admirer? Because now this doesn't seem like a misunderstanding. I'm misunderstanding your misunderstanding."

"No, Anya, he wasn't my secret admirer."

"Yeah? Then who was?"

Buffy shifted uncomfortably. "Well, who it was isn't the issue right now. The issue is that it wasn't Xander, and that I just thought it was when I said all that stuff today. Truth is… He _hasn't_ been leaving me presents, he _doesn't_ have those feelings for me, and he _does_ want to get back together with you.

"But he _did_ say something to you guys last night about not wanting to be with me anymore, didn't he?"

"No, not exactly. It was just that… We were yelling at him about the way he acted towards you-"

"Really? You were? You were siding with me? Even though you've known and loved Xander for many years, even through his awkward and virginal stages?" Anya asked excitedly.

"Yes, Anya," Buffy said, unable to hide her amusement at Anya's sudden glee. "We told him that if he ever wanted to get back together with you, then he'd have to stop acting like that, and he was offended that we were siding with you. He said he never said anything about wanting to be with you again…" then she saw Anya about to speak, "…BUT, he was just being petty. He does want to be with you again. I know it."

"Yeah, well, not enough to marry me."

"You may be surprised."

Anya looked surprised and sweet for a moment, before again becoming skeptical and bitter. "Well, even if that were the case, why should I care? He left me at the altar. That was so embarrassing and heart breaking and awful. You have no idea… And then, when I somehow manage to find a little comfort… after he'd left me… He turns me into the bad guy. I got nothing but grief and blame over that for weeks. And even after I thought it was settled, I found that he STILL holds it against me."

"Anya. You're right. I can't possibly know what it felt like for you, to be left at the altar like that. And I know that his being 'sorry' doesn't seem like much. But he is sorry. At the time, he was scared, and he wasn't sure he could overcome the obstacles and his fears. But now, now he wants to try and overcome them. And wow… I should really let him tell you all this. He'd probably do it a lot better than I could."

"Ha! I highly doubt that. He can probably apologize about as well as he can forgive… And we know his talent for that, when it comes to me at least, is... is… crap. So yeah."

Buffy sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her seat again. "Well, Anya, I know that, at least in my case… The whole scene… with Spike… and the table… was kind of painful. And I can just imagine how it was for Xander, because he loved you. He still wanted to be with you. He just thought it might be too difficult or that families would kill each other or that he'd end up causing you both pain. And then seeing you with someone else caused even more pain…"

"Yeah? Well. Love is pain. It takes a strong person to love, and Xander just wasn't up for it."

"Maybe not, but I think he is now."

At that point, Buffy stood and walked to the door, but she turned to speak to Anya one more time. "I didn't say it right, I'm sure. I'm trying to think up excuses. It just shouldn't be that way. But, if you don't forgive him from what I said, at least, when he tries to talk to you, listen to him. Give him your attention. It takes a strong person to give, too. To give another chance."

"Buffy…" Anya called before Buffy could exit.

"Yeah?"

"I am sorry, you know. About sleeping with Spike. I don't think I ever said it before. So I'll say it now."

Buffy nodded, and left the shop.

----------------

"Mmm… Warm shower and a change of clothes comin' my way." Buffy said, entering her front door. She immediately headed for the steps.

"And what do you think you're doing, young lady?" Dawn demanded from the living room, hands on hips.

"Oh please don't play the overbearing the mom right now, Dawn."

"Yeah. Sorry. I just wanted to try it for a change. But really. What's up with you. You look awful. And in yesterday's outfit, no less."

"Among other things, I found out in the most humiliating and harmful way imaginable that Xander is not my secret admirer." Buffy said, glaring at Dawn.

"What? Oh wow. Buffy. What happened?"

Buffy sighed. "Look, Dawn. I will sit down with you and tell you all about it, but right now I just want to take a nice shower. I've had just about the worst day off ever."

"All right. But I'll be waiting."

"Ok. But be productive. Do your homework while you wait or something. K? Oh, or hey. Better yet. Make me dinner."

"And that's productive _how_?"

"You'll be producing food... for me. I'll be upstairs." Buffy teased, before trudging up the staircase.

----------------

Buffy sprawled her body out on her bed. Her hair was wet from the shower, but she'd changed into a clean green shirt and pair of dry blue jeans. Then she moaned. "Still all ouchie," she said rubbing her neck. Then the memories came back. Still ouchie.

With a flash, she first saw the look of despair on Anya's face when she'd overheard that morning's conversation with Xander; then Xander in a despairing heap on the floor after Anya left. There was Willow, alone on her bed, in a cold sweat and crying, while Buffy, only a room away and oblivious, struggled to silently get Spike's shirt off. And Spike. Spike bruised and battered by her hand. Spike with hurt in his eyes. Spike, full of panic and desperation in her bathroom...

"Spike!" she sputtered, shaking herself out of her daze. "Spike's in Sunnydale. Great," she finished, willing herself off her bed and to the closet.

"We'll get to the guilt-o-rama creature feature in a bit," she said to herself, pulling a duffle bag out of her closet and tossing it onto her bed. She followed that act by grabbing Spike's duster from the hanger and unceremoniously stuffing it into the bag. "Yes. In a bit," she started, retrieving her box and comb from underneath the bed and adding them to the bag's contents. "But first, I have business to attend to," she finished, slinging the bag over her shoulder, climbing out the window and shoving a stake up her sleeve.

----------------

Buffy stormed through the cemetery flailing her stake about in frustration.

"Come on Buffy! You can do this! You've staked vampires more times than you've flossed your teeth... which is kinda yuck. Gotta work on that. But no. Gotta work on this first. Not hard. Just thrust, turn, pull. Thrust, turn, pull." she mimicked the actions expressed in her pep talk with her stake. "Come on. Don't even need the turns or the pulls. Just one good... Oomph," she finished, giving the air a final, forceful jab.

Being pre-occupied, even in the late afternoon sun, Buffy didn't see Dawn trailing a few yards behind her.

"Looks like Buffy's going to do some major league slaying," Dawn remarked to herself.

----------------

Spike was thinking, leaning against his coffin when the door to his crypt burst open. It was Buffy, with a bag over her shoulder and a stake clutched tightly at her side. She panned the room with her steely gaze until her eyes settled on Spike.

But then she seemed to crumple. Her hard face morphed into a pout and before Spike could even take a step towards her she dropped her bag on the floor, said, "Those are yours," and left the crypt. Then, before he could even register what had just happened, Buffy reappeared. "Uh, this bag is mine," she said sheepishly, scooping it up, walking towards Spike and dropping it on the sarcophagus.

Spike gave Buffy some room and stepped back while she unzipped the sack. "Actually, pet, I think it's my bag. You borrowed it from me last year and never brought it back.

Buffy wouldn't look at him. She sounded even more sheepish. "Yeah, well… You probably stole it from someone else in the first place, so I'm just going to keep it."

Spike gave a silent chuckle at her weak attempt of defiance and watched her adoringly as she concentrated overly hard on removing the box, coat and comb from the bag. She looked so determined, as if nothing else but her task mattered, so Spike was surprised when seeming engrossed in the bag's contents, she spoke. "You're hair's still weird."

Buffy never looked up to see his reaction, but he still ran a hand through his hair. He'd managed to find time to re-bleach it in the last few hours, but it hung in a loose mass of wild white waves around his head.

"Well, I wasn't out to please her Slayerness with my hair gelling abilities today, but if she wishes it, I'm sure I can find some cohesive hair products somewhere," he said with a smirk.

"No. Don't," she quickly piped in, finally straightening up to look at him. "This makes you look younger."

"Funny. Feel older." He'd said it so casually, but the look in his eyes when he said it was so intense that Buffy had to look away from him.

Then small talk was over. Down to business. "Why'd you come back, Spike?"

"Why do I ever come back to this place?"

"Because you always want to kill me?" she supplied dryly.

"Oh. Right. Well, not that then. Not to kill you. But I came back because of you, maybe."

"Then you should have saved yourself the trip," she said, suddenly bitter. "And the impending staking," she added.

There was a flash of hurt in his eyes before he responded. "What? Didn't like the presents?" he spat, with a sudden bitterness that rivaled hers.

"They aren't appropriate," she said flatly.

"Surprised you didn't bring Bit's back as well."

"If I did that, I'd never hear the end of it. Though… I think I left a sizable portion of her cookies by a gnome-shaped gravestone this morning. I **implore** you to go get those."

Spike stared at her incredulously, looking as if he was caught between wanting to scream and wanting to laugh. He chose the latter. "You're a strange girl," he said when he'd finished a hearty fit of laughter.

Buffy looked up at him with a crinkled brow and a frown, but the frown quickly melted into a wry smile. "Yeah. You too," she said, hoisting herself up onto Spike's coffin.

"Ha ha," he said flatly. "And why don't you just make yourself at home," he teased, seating himself next to her on the stone slab.

"You know you're not welcome in my town, right?" It wasn't really a question.

"Was I ever? Don't know if I'd ever want to be," he replied. They were both quiet for a moment, absorbing the solemn shift in the conversation.

"We can't go back," she said seriously.

"Forward?"

"I don't know." She paused and sighed. "I doubt it."

Spike huffed, then closed his eyes for a moment, letting the short and sudden conversation sink in. Buffy looked at the ground and lightly kicked the back of her heals against the coffin like a fidgety child.

"Do your friends know I'm back in town?" he asked.

"Not yet, but I'm sure they will. It seems that when I have a secret relationship of any kind with a vampire, they manage to find out. I just bet Xander will come strolling in here any second now."

"God let's hope not," Spike groaned.

Buffy gave another wry smile before becoming serious again. "Yeah. You should hope not…. Spike… They know what happened, before you left. It's not safe for you here. With the way you left things, before you… left… They just won't be happy to see you. Things could get dirty, in the dusty sense. You should probably just leave."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, turning to look at her.

"Spike…" she warned. "Don't ask me things like that. Nothing good will come out of questions like those," she said, getting up, grabbing her now empty bag, and walking to the door.

"It's been asked. Deal with it and answer." Spike called to her, making no attempt to move from his seat.

Buffy sighed, but then responded. She gave no emotion away. "I think it would be best for everyone involved if you just left, Spike. Including you. Including me."

Spike's response wasn't so much defiant as it was hesitant. "And if I don't?"

"If you don't leave, then I'll be forced to-"

"Stake me?"

"Well maybe, if you make it a habit of interrupting me." Buffy said, feigning anger, and opening the door.

"Buffy, wait. Really. You'll be forced to what?" he called from his seat.

"Well I'm not telling you now. You missed your shot because of your yapping," Buffy teased, turning her back on him, taking a step through the doorframe. But as she was about to make her way out, she froze. Spike had silently and instantly managed to reach the crypt door and stop her by placing a hand on her shoulder. Then Spike noticed what he was doing and recoiled. Buffy pretended not to notice.

"What do you want, Spike?" Buffy asked, trying to sound annoyed, but an uncomfortable twinge was evident in her voice.

"I want to know what you'd do if I didn't leave."

"God, Spike. Where do you get off suddenly demanding all these answers, or anything, for that matter? You haven't exactly done anything to endear yourself to me lately."

"Endear? Well, how about we set up a bartering system; endearing acts can be traded for answers… And oh, look. I have one very endearing saving-your-life-this-very-morning to cash in. Pay up. Answer please." He was obviously serious, but more playful than angry.

"Ah yes. How could I forget, as you take every opportunity possible to bring it up," Buffy nagged, eyes widening for emphasis. "Still, as much as I appreciate what you so obviously did selflessly out the of the goodness of your heart-wrenching need for blackmail and bargaining chips, I think we can knock that out of the endearing column since you then took the opportunity to look at and do god-only-knows-what to my sleeping body."

"I told you I didn't look!" Spike interjected. It almost sounded like a whine. It almost made Buffy smile.

"Funny… Still don't believe you…" Buffy sing-songed, again turning towards the exit.

"Buffy, why can't you just deal with it and answer?" Spike asked, getting agitated all over again.

"Yes. That's just it. I have to deal with it, and I don't want to," Buffy said seriously.

"I don't see what the problem is. You were going to tell me anyway, but now you've gone so blasted coy that it's-"

"No, I mean, if you don't go, I'll have to deal with it. With you. And I sooo don't want to do that right now," Buffy admitted.

"Oh. Er… I'm sorry…" Spike mumbled.

Buffy looked at him curiously a moment before admitting even more. "I don't want to deal with you, Spike, and I don't want to forgive you."

Her tone was soft, but also brutally honest. Spike could only bow his head and agree. "You shouldn't have to deal with me. I knew you'd never forgive me. Coming back here is just hurting you. I shouldn't have been so daft. I was just being-"

Buffy watched Spike play a solitary round of the "blame game" with a mixture of confusion and fascination before cutting him off. "Spike. Stop talking please. It's creepy."

Spike stared ahead, mouth agape, so she took the opportunity to finally make her way out the door and into the safety of the dwindling bit of remaining sunlight. But before she went five feet she turned around to look at Spike from across the threshold and said, "And no. I said I didn't want to, not that I'd never." Then she was gone.

----------------

Dawn was sitting behind a bush next to the crypt, looking uncomfortable, bored and pissed off.

"I knew I should have brought a crossword puzzle," Dawn grumbled. Then she reached behind her and pulled a twig from her hair. "Oh uck," she whined, grimacing at the offending branch. She sighed and twirled it around in her fingers.

Dawn idly continued to examine the twig while talking to it. "Why can't Buffy be louder when she kills stuff so I can hear what's going on, huh? She snores louder than this." Then Dawn tossed the twig aside and slumped against the crypt's outer wall. "At least she better be killing stuff in there, because if she ditched me just to play charades with Clem I'm gonna-"

Dawn immediately halted her rant when she saw Buffy emerge from the crypt. She tightened into a ball, hoping to be less noticeable, but Buffy didn't seem to notice anything anyway. It looked as if she was intent on leaving, but then she stopped to say something. Dawn strained her ears to listen. "And no. I said I didn't want to, not that I'd never." After saying that, Buffy did walk away.

Dawn looked frantically between the fleeing Buffy and the crypt she left behind. Follow Buffy or find out what in the world she'd been doing? Dawn opted for the latter and waited until Buffy was out of sight before she stood up, stretched, and brushed herself off. She stepped out of the foliage and made her way to the crypt door. She paused for a moment, checked to make sure her stake was secured in her pocket, took a deep breath and entered the crypt.

Dawn stepped cautiously into the room and scanned it for signs of anything. "Ok… No signs of struggle… No signs of life…" Then something in the seemingly deserted chamber caught her eye. She walked over to the coffin in the middle of the room and picked up the comb resting there. "Buffy's comb…" She looked down. "Buffy's box. Clem's crypt." Dawn quickly put the comb down and hugged herself. "Clem? Well that's kind of freaky. 'Hello, I'm Dawn. This is my brother-in-law, Clem… What do you mean why does he look like that? Oh… No… It was a bad liposuction accident… The doctors say there's a chance he'll never fit in his skin again… But he's sensitive about it. I wouldn't mention it.' Yeah…"

Then something else caught Dawn's attention. For a moment she only stared at the ball of wadded leather sitting at the end of the coffin, but after a moment she picked it up and shook it out. She held it up in front of her and let realization sink in. And when she heard someone entering the upper level of the crypt, she didn't have to look.

"You're not Clem," she said passively, still looking at the coat.

"No, I don't suppose I am." Spike replied. When he noticed Dawn exhibiting the same 'thoroughly examine everything in the room that isn't Spike' practice that her sister utilized, and he let out a half-smile.

Dawn stood, looking at the coat for a moment longer, before growing tired of the pretense, tossing it across the coffin lid, and turning towards Spike, with arms crossed. "Yeah. You're not Clem. Where is he? Did you kill him?"

"Did I what?! Are you insane, girl?" Spike yelped incredulously.

"No, just looking out for the people I care about." Dawn said, seating herself on the sarcophagus.

"Why don't you just make yourself at home?" Spike said, with less sarcasm than he'd used with her sister just a few minutes prior.

"Yeah, uh, thanks." Dawn said, lacking some of her previous fire.

"Yeah, so… uh…" he started, looking everywhere in the room except at Dawn. She looked confused by his nervousness, but then their gazes finally met and Spike started again in a much more normal tone. "So, Bit, what are you doing here? Because as big of a treat it is to see all the girls I love, I'm guessing that-"

"Whoa!" Dawn interrupted, immediately standing and locking her arms in a halting pose. "You do NOT get to say you love us. Not after what you've done to us. Not after what you almost did to Buffy. Not after you left me. You don't get to say that."

Hurt and guilt crossed Spike's face, which again surprised Dawn, who looked prepared for a fight. But he shook the look and continued. "Dawn, I'm sorry that I left you, but after… after what happened with Buffy… which you apparently know about," Spike added, trying to keep the discomfort from his voice. "But after that, I just couldn't stay. She needed a reprieve. I needed-"

"No, that's not what I mean."

"What?" He gave her a confused head tilt.

"You left me a long time before that," Dawn said in a chilly tone. She tried to search his face for a reaction to her words, but he wouldn't look at her. "So you know… huh."

"Nibblet, I know we didn't spend that much time together last year… but you're growing up and I didn't think you needed a babysitter…"

"Oh God. That's such scapegoat, vampire logic," Dawn spat. "I don't think I needed a babysitter either, but I did need a friend, which, as soon as Buffy started giving you the time of day, you were most definitely not."

Then Spike did something that Dawn found mighty peculiar. The look on his face became one of anger. His jaw clenched… And then he turned away from her and muttered, "Bloody stupid wanker!" before turning back around to look at her with a soft, apologetic look. "Dawn, you **are** right. I got… distracted. Got so caught up in what I thought I could have with Buffy that I didn't pay attention to what I already bloody well had."

"And that's deceitful, vampire logic." Dawn said, looking down at her feet. "I was never anything for you in the first place. Xander once told me that you probably just hung out with me to get into Buffy's pants, and now, I'm beginning to believe that. What other reason would you be my friend?"

"Oh please! Let's not start with the pity parties. I've been a guest at one too many of those things these last few months." At that point, Spike took a few strides and stopped right in front of Dawn, waiting until she looked up before he spoke again. "Dawn, there are many reasons. One is that in many ways, you remind me of Buffy. Isn't the only reason, but sometimes that fact alone made last summer more bearable. And you were such a curious little thing. Always wanting to be in the thick of things, even if you had to sneak around. Breaking into the magic box to find answers and taking initiative by trying to do that spell to bring your mum back? Maybe not the brightest ideas ever… But brave. I admire that." Then he paused. "There? That enough? Or should I continue with this episode of the 'Let's Praise Dawn Hour?'"

Dawn shifted around a bit, a small smile creeping to her lips before she regained her composure and pressed Spike more. "Ok. You admit that ditching someone you care about is bad. Ok… Yeah. Like it's all good now? This is some twisted form of the A.A.? 'Hello. My name is Spike and I'm an asshole?' Somehow, I don't think so."

Spike ran his hands through his hair and took a short, frantic pace around his crypt before standing again before Dawn. Then he replied in a voice that wasn't over-emotional, but was still sincere. "Dawn, I'm sorry… I'm… See, lately I've been making these mental lists. They're no good, but I've been making them. And for this year, my top ten regrets list… What I did to you, it goes somewhere near the top of that list. Probably somewhere between Anya and demon eggs."

"Demon eggs?"

"Don't ask."

"Yeah… I think I'll just let that one lay," she said with a smirk.

"Oh. No. No way. This is a no pun zone. Get out."

They both laughed for a moment before Dawn spoke again, "Spike, I want you to know, that I understand why you made with a little less of the Dawn lovin'. And I want you to know that I forgive you."

"You do?"

Dawn nodded.

"Oh, god Dawn. I've missed you," he said happily. Dawn yelped when Spike picked her up and started swinging her around. "We should make up for the lost time. We should-"

"Spike hold on." He looked up at her, confused, but took the hint and put her down. "Spike, I don't think we can be friends, or share any friendly feelings."

To that, Spike looked skyward; muttered, "Fickleness, thy name is Summers;" and asked her, "Why not?"

"Well, mostly because of what I guess is number one on that mental list of yours."

"Oh." No arguments. No surprise or resentment. Just 'oh.'

"Yeah. I mean… Buffy's a big girl. She can fight her own battles, and obviously she doesn't want you dead, or you'd be… dead. And it's been proven more than once that she trusts you not to hurt me, so I don't need to threaten staking you on my own behalf, but I do need to say that if you ever try to hurt Buffy again, I will be after you if she doesn't kill you first. And the 'Hey, watch out cuz I might kill you' clause puts a little strain on a friendship."

"Worked all right for me and Buffy."

"Well, really, it didn't." Dawn said with a wry smile.

"No, really didn't, did it?"

"Not really, but hey, you know, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think I'll have to stake you."

"No? What makes you think that?"

"Let's just call it the vibes I'm getting from my slayer's intuition."

Spike looked amused. "So what? You're a slayer now?"

"Well, not exactly, but I've got all this slayer's blood… So I think that entitles me to claim slayer's intuition," she backpedaled.

"Of course." Spike said, waving a hand in the air for emphasis.

After the momentarily bit of camaraderie, an uncomfortable silence settled over the duo and they both idly shuffled their feet before Dawn broke the silence. "Yeah, so, speaking of slayers, how did your meeting go with my sister?"

"Um. I'm not quite sure. It was strange." He paused to think a second. "A lot like this meeting; surprisingly bittersweet with a leaning towards the sweet. I wasn't expecting it. I was fully prepared to grovel."

"Well, I'm sure there's time for that yet."

"Can't wait. I don't like this. It's too easy."

Once again, Dawn looked perplexed. "Well hey, like I said. No friendly feelings…. You. Still. Very bad. Very bad." Dawn waggled her finger at Spike. "You've just surprised us, I think… And something weird is up with Buffy. I think something happened to her. And you know… I should probably go do the sister thing and find out, actually, so, I'm gonna go. You should stay here." Then before Spike could get a word in edgewise, she flew out the door.

Then right back in again. "Remember. You try anything, I'll kill you. I can do it." Then she exited the crypt for the second time.

Spike watched her leave for a moment before he stared up at the ceiling, "Three… Two… One-"

"Oh, and Spike?" Dawn said from the doorframe.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the cookies and stuff."

After her third and final retreat, Spike walked to his door and stepped out into the early evening. After a quick surveillance of the area, which yielded nothing more than crickets and dirt, he went back inside, and shut the door.

That's when everything broke. "Oh god," Spike moaned, slumping against the closed door and sliding to the floor. Awash in inner turmoil, with his head in his hands he looked about ready to cry… when he heard the scream. Dawn's.

"Must be Tuesday."

Spike shook himself off and ran out the door.


	4. Lost & Found

**A/N:** Um… It took me a long time to getting around to writing this chapter. Um. I'm sorry? I mostly tried to avoid it because I can't write action. I don't like to, and I'm not good at it… So I'm sorry that part of the story isn't very good… But yay. Now I have it out of the way for at least a couple of chapters. Maybe I'll work on this more now because I'm not dreading it. Who knows? Be good peeps.

Chapter 4 – Lost & Found

            "How could I leave her to get hurt AGAIN?" Spike muttered as he ran through the cemetery, looking for Dawn. "I could have walked her home or something. I can't believe-"

-----------------

            "That I'm going back there!" Buffy muttered to herself as she made her way back to the cemetery. "How's it gonna be this time? It's got to be better than before. 'Oh, ello Buffy. I know I tried to rape you, but here's a bloody cookie. Forgive me?' 'Yes Spike, and may I say, you look sexy with your hair like that.'" Buffy finished, slapping one hand over her forehead and eyes in disbelief over her past exchange with the vamp.

            "What's next? 'You know… Last night I stripped you naked and rubbed Neosporin seductively all over your flesh… want to buy me a new car?' 'Sure! I'll even throw in a CD player and those fuzzy dice!'"

            Buffy continued to trudge onward, but she was so caught up in her imaginary Spike conversation that when the real (and solemn looking) Spike suddenly appeared in front of her, she yelped.

            "Spike! I…I wasn't coming back to see you… I-"

            "So you heard Dawn too?"

            "Right. Yeah, that's it. I heard… Dawn?! What? Heard Dawn what? Doing her homework safe at home?" But Buffy knew by the look on Spike's face that it was no such thing. "Spike, what happened?"

            "I don't know… Seems the Bit tried her hand at tailing you… paid me a visit, then got nabbed… At least, I think so. 'Eard 'er scream."

            "Well did you see what got her? What it was? Where they went?" Buffy asked frantically.

            "No," He said, shaking his head discouragingly. "I got out here as soon as I heard her… Didn't see anything. Not a bit of the Bit." Pause. "At least I didn't find bits of the Bit. That's a good thing…"

            What a crappy couple of days. Buffy almost cried. "It's too early for vamps… and I… she knows how to defend herself. I taught her… I shouldn't have left her alone… I obviously didn't teach her well enough…"

            "Buffy!" Spike yelled, snapping Buffy out of her dazed ramble. "You know how to defend yourself too, but look what happened last night. Don't blame yourself. It happens… Your lot gets kidnapped all the time. It's the way it works. They get kidnapped; we rescue them. Now let's go find her. Now."

            At that, Spike turned around and stormed back into the graveyard. It took him ten steps to realize Buffy wasn't following.

            "Slayer? What are you doing? If you go catatonic on me, don't think that I'm going to take the time away from rescuing Dawn to store you somewhere safe…" He started, craning his neck to see her just standing there with a contemplative look on her face.

            "Spike…" She whispered, looking up to meet his eyes. "Last night… Whatever happened to me… What if it happened to her?" As realization sunk in, she took off running, leaving Spike to chase after her.

            "Buffy!" He shouted, suddenly a good 20 feet behind her. "What exactly DID happen to you last night?" He'd have to catch the story on the run.

-----------------

            Anya looked up from polishing the counter when the tinkling of the bell announced the arrival of a newcomer… However, she immediately went back to her polishing when she saw it was Xander that was at the door. "I'm sorry. Vampires aren't invited into the shop anymore." She said flatly, not looking up.

            "Anya. You know perfectly well that I'm not a vampire." Xander said, walking up to the counter.

            "Huh. Youth-sucking, deadbeat with pointy teeth? I could have sworn." Anya said, polishing the same four inch area on the counter over and over.

            "Pointy…" He started offended, but then caught himself, "On topic Xander… Stay on topic." He took a breath then started again. "Anya… You once told me that you don't owe me anything. And you were right. But I thought maybe you'd just give me the chance to talk to you a bit." He said, looking hopeful.

            Anya stood there for a moment, looking noticeably glum. She had stopped her polishing, but continued to stare at the counter. It looked like she was going to say no, but then she surprised Xander. "Yes, but only because Buffy, your hung-over, alleged tart, came to see me today and made me realize some things."

            "Buffy? What did she say?"

            "Nothing much… Just that I had nothing to worry about because she wouldn't be caught dead with you as a boyfriend… That you've been a jerk… You know. The type of things I've been saying about you all along."

            "She what?!"

            "Oh calm down Xander. She said it all in that annoying sugarcoated way you humans have. She still loves you. Just like all your friends do, no matter how stupid and penis-like you can be."

Xander didn't particularly like the way this was going, but before he could object, she went on. "Now, the point is, I'm going to give you a chance to say whatever it is you want to say, but you have to promise me you won't be a penis-head like you usually are."

"Seriously? This is great. Ok. Well, Anya, you see-"

"No, I mean it. Repeat after me. 'I, Xander Harris…'"

Xander's eyes narrowed incredulously but then he gave a heavy sigh and went along with it. "I, Xander Harris…"

"Promise not to be a penis-head."

"Promise not to be a penis-head…"

"Or to interrupt Anya whenever she finds it appropriate to interrupt me and-"

"I hardly think that's fair…"

"Like I just did, because I obviously forgot about the penis-head rule already…"

"Anya!"

"Just say it!"

Xander huffed, contemplating if it was even worth it, but then complied. "I promise not to interrupt Anya whenever she finds it appropriate to interrupt me… like I just did because I obviously forgot about the penis-head rule already."

            After the display Xander looked to Anya for permission to go on. She reluctantly showed her acquiescence with a brief nod of the head and an eye roll. Xander looked down and took a deep breath, ready to start whatever spiel he had planned.

            In a loving and patient tone that deeply contrasted his irritation from just a few seconds prior, he started. "All right. Well, Anya… For starters, I just wanted you to know that-" But when he looked up to meet her eyes, she wasn't there. "That you're making this very hard for me!" He said, spinning around to see her dusting something on the other side of the room.

            "What?" She asked innocently. "The fertility statue needs dusting. You never said anything about how I wasn't allowed to dust the fertility statue."

            "Anya, do you even care about what I have to say? Am I just wasting my time?"

            "No…" Anya started, a nervous twinge evident in her voice. She wouldn't make eye contact. "But you know what they say… A dirty fertility statue means dirty babies."

            Xander sensed her nervousness and laid down his irritation. "Yeah?" He asked softly, walking towards her. "And what do they say about fertility statues covered in an overabundance of lemon fresh Pine-Sol?"

            "Um… Babies with bad navigational sense?"

            "Is that so?" Xander said softly, removing the dust rag from her hand and tossing it onto the table in the middle of the room. "Anya," he said gently, taking full advantage of her rare, docile mood to move a strand of hair away from her face. At that, she finally looked up into his eyes, and leaned into his hand. Xander smiled and finished his sentence. "Why are you so afraid to let me get a word in edgewise?"

            Uh oh. Xander could immediately tell by the enraged look in her eyes that it was the wrong thing to say.

            "Xander. I would remove your hand if I were you." She said in a very creepy and controlled manner. Xander moved his hand like she'd burned him.

            "Why do I not want to hear you talk, Xander? Well let's see, shall we?!" Xander gulped and awaited the onslaught. "Maybe, just maybe, I'm tired of the guilt trips. I'm tired of 'oh, I left you… but I'm still going to treat you badly because you're an evil demon that deserves it.' I'm tired of 'Oh how could you sleep with Spike? Poo poo! I'm Xander! poo poo!' I'm tired of everything you say to me…" Then, "The only thing worse than what you say to me, is the way you look at me…"

            Then, to Xander's surprise, Anya started to cry.

            "Anya… This is part of the reason I wanted to talk to you…"

            "No Xander, I-"

            "Anya…" He interrupted.

            "No!" Anya shouted between tears. "You broke the interrupting rule! Now you need to leave."

            "Anya! This is ridiculous! I came here with some very specific things to say, and you said I could say them. I even took an anti-penis-head oath!"

            "Which you broke!"

            "Not the penis-head part!"

            "I wouldn't be so sure…"

            "Anya, if you're not going to let me speak, tell me now, and I'll leave. Neither of us need to be playing these games anymore."

            "Fine." She sniffled. "You can have 45 seconds."

            "What I have planned will take at least 45 minutes!"

            "39 seconds." Anya chimed in, looking at her watch.

            "Fine. Screw romance. Screw the groveling I'm sure you would have enjoyed. Anya," He took a deep breath before letting it all out. "One. I'm sorry I left you at the altar. I can't really excuse it… Cold-feet and the families and the visions of what I could have done to you if we got married and my just being… a penis-head… I can't excuse it. I probably can't make up for it either, but I want to try.

            "Two. The Spike thing. I get it. I understand. I always did. I was more angry at myself for driving you to it than I ever was angry at you. And I was insanely jealous. I may not have had a right to be… but oh god was I. So… I'm sorry for all the awful things I said to you about that.

            "Three. I've been difficult all summer, I know. And I'm sorry. I say mean things out of nowhere that you don't deserve… It's just… Lately I've been so frustrated because I want to be with you… We'll be getting along and I'm like, 'why aren't I with her?' and I get mad and I take it out on you and I'm sorry.

            "I don't deserve you… Someone as smart and beautiful and creative and so totally Anya-like… But I want you… I've been awful all summer because I haven't had you and now I know I could never be happy without you always with me. And I'm retarded for not realizing it sooner, but I am only human. We're like that; stupid. So the point that I'm trying to get to is-"

            "Time's up." Anya interrupted in a sterile tone. Xander didn't look happy.

            "Fine. See you around," he said bitterly as he headed for the door.

            "Xander!" Anya shouted after him.

            He huffed and turned around. "What?"

            And in the smallest voice he'd ever heard out of her. "Aren't you going to finish?"

            A moment passed where Xander looked into her eyes. Everything about her had softened. She looked vulnerable, and sweet. And he was going to kiss her.

            A couple of steps and he was there; one hand on her waist, the other in her hair. After a breathy "I love you," he kissed her deeply… and she returned the favor. And then Giles walked in the room ready to say something to Anya… and then he turned around and immediately retreated back to his room. And then Anya stopped the kiss.

            "Now wait a second, Harris," she started. "Where's my proposal?"

            "My time's up. I didn't get to that part. And besides, I was referred to as a 'penis-head' a little more than I'd like, so I'm not feeling incredibly charitable…"

            "Oh come on Xander. Your time was up at 'Two. The Spike thing.' So you got that much more by, so you might as well finish up. I'm feeling generous." Anya said in all seriousness.

            "Oh are you now? Well, if _Anya's_ being charitable and I'm not, boy wouldn't I look bad. So I guess I have to be now."

            "Hey!"

            He kissed her again. "Anya…" and again. "I love you." and wow, again. "marry me…" once more. "Tonight…"

            "Did you buy me a new ring?"

            "Yes, I did. I planned everything. I had a much better speech planned too."

            "I think yours was perfect, Xander," she said, cuddling into his chest.

            "I don't know. My other was pretty good. Clem helped. I even wrote it down. See?" He said, handing it to her.

            "Oh, Xander, I'm sure nothing could be better than… Oh," she said, reading it. "This IS better. Why didn't you use this? This is the type of proposal that every girl dreams of. I wanted this one you oaf!" she whined, punching him in the arm, then settling in a chair with a pout.

            "Well I _would_ have used this one if someone hadn't been rushing me!"

            "Oh fine," she conceded and stood again. "But we're telling the grandkids you said this one," she said, waving the paper before giving it back to him.

            Xander smiled softly. "Grandkids?"

            "Yeah," she said sweetly, as he put the ring on her finger… and as she took the pendant from her neck, crushed it under her foot, and kissed him.

-----------------

            "So you were actually drowning?" Spike inquired as he and Buffy picked their way through the headstones.

            "Well it sure felt like it, but I'm thinking probably not. It doesn't seem like it-"

            "Has the power to do the job on its own. Is that right?"

            "Yeah. If it wanted me dead… and it had the power to do it…"

            "You would have been gone long before that vamp tried to make you into a Scooby-snack."

            "Right," Buffy said, glad to have someone right on her wavelength. But the blessing quickly became a burden when she realized how easily she and Spike connected. She quieted and became overcome with unease. Before she could make issue of it with him, however, he spoke up.

            "Does the watcher agree with our theory?" He asked, turning to Buffy again. The sheepish look she gave him let him know exactly how much she had NOT been telling her watcher. "This happened a whole day ago and you haven't talked to him yet? Does _anyone_ know about the possible new big bad?"

            "Well I've been busy! I had a relationship to save and… stuff to do."

            "Well, if we don't find her soon, your 'stuff' may cost Dawn some restful nights."

            "Great." Buffy mumbled. "Something else I've done wrong for the big guilt monster to get me on." Then, "But **you** have no right to chastise **me**. So don't go there."

            A look of hurt, then shame crossed Spike's face. It didn't go unnoticed and Buffy had to turn away to prevent Spike from seeing her already guilty expression amplified twofold.

            "Buffy I know that I-" but he was stopped when Buffy put a hand up, quieting him.

            "I think this is it… This is where the thing got me." She said scanning the area.

            "You sure?"

            She walked over to the gnome shaped headstone and tentatively looked behind it. Then she made an "icky" face. "Yeah, I'm sure."

            "Well… There doesn't _seem_ to be anything here now but…"

            "But you can feel it."

            "Yeah."

            "Should have known something evil would reside around this atrocity," she said, motioning to the lawn gnome.

            "It is pretty tacky," Spike agreed.

            "Hey. Maybe if we make a sacrifice to it, it will tell us where Dawn is." Buffy mused.

            "Or if we turn the hat just right, it will open a secret passage to the demon's lair," Spike added, turning the thing's hat in jest. Or at least it was jest until a secret passage opened. "Oh bugger all." Spike spat.

            "Good job, Spike," Buffy said, before jumping into the newly opened hole in the earth.

            "Great. A demon with a weird sense of humor. Surprises abound, no doubt." Spike said, before dropping down after her.

-----------------

            "Dawn, you have to jump." Buffy told Dawn seriously, wind from the high altitude blowing in her hair.

            "I don't know if I want to…"

            "Dawn, if you don't, the world will get pretty not good, and your sister will die. Wouldn't that make you sad?"

            "Well yeah, but this is something I need to decide on my own. I don't want to be guilted into this-"

            "Well tough! That's life!" Buffy screamed, pushing Dawn off the tower.

            Dawn screamed out in pain when she hit the energy portal and shut her eyes tightly. She fell for a few seconds and opened her eyes…

            The sun was just setting as a robed minion pushed her into a hole in the middle of the cemetery. Dawn let out a scream before falling through and shutting her eyes tightly.

            She hit the ground, but it didn't hurt. She was in a room alight with soft twinkling.

            "Nice, isn't it?" Joyce asked Dawn.

            "Yeah," Dawn agreed. "Warm."

            "Yes, dear. It's just a shame you don't get to stay."

            "Wha-" But before Dawn could finish, she was dragged away by Willow and Xander. They didn't look at her; they just stared straight ahead, dragging her into a bright light.

            In truth, she was being carried through a damp underground passage by the robed demon and a vampire.

            As the room grew brighter, the sounds grew louder. Gunshots, car horns, storms; Dawn could hear all of them. She covered her ears and called to Xander and Willow over the cacophony. "No! I want to go back to where I was!"

            "Oh no, sweet Dawny," Buffy's voice chimed in. "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it, so that's what you have to do." She said bitterly. Then she laughed maniacally. "And if you don't act happy about it, I'm going to whine at you. I'm going to nag and cry and screech! Get out! Get out! **Get out**!"

            Dawn held her hands to her ears and pressed her eyes closed tightly, but the sounds and harsh lights became too much. She sighed and fell limp in Xander's arms.

            And the robed minion dropped her unceremoniously in a dark corner.

-----------------

            "Maybe we should have thought this through," Buffy said, elbowing a vampire in the face.

            "We? If I recall, Alice, you were the one hoppin' in the bleeding bunny hole like you were late for a very important date," Spike said good-humouredly as he flew through the air and trounced a minion.

            "Yeah, well you didn't try to stop me. Just hopped right in after me," Buffy said, trading another blow with her opponent. "Like Alice's dog Skip," She finished triumphantly.

            "Alice didn't have a dog. She had a cat."

            "Well," Buffy said, slamming the vamp against the wall, "It would have been better if she'd had a dog."

            "Oh." Spike started in a mocking manner as he held his minion in a chokehold, "I'm sure Lewis Carroll would be heartbroken to hear you say so, Pet."

            Buffy threw him a mock-annoyed look and carried on with her assault of the vamp. "So, slime ball, where's my sister?"

            The vamp just grinned and punched her in the stomach. She stumbled back but quickly retaliated with a kick in the head.

            "Look, I doubt we need you. Your friend in the robe looks a lot more official… so unless you make yourself useful right now and tell me where my sister is, I'm going to kill you dead."

            "Now, I wouldn't do that," the vampire stammered, going totally on the defensive, trying to block Buffy's attack. "I'm the brains. I… uh… Just make him wear the robe so that he looks more important so people go after him instead. If you kill me you'll never find your daughter."

            "Sister." Buffy corrected.

            "Oh. Right. That's what I meant. I just said 'daughter' to confuse you and-"

            "Oh please!" The robed one chimed in. "I just used him to help me carry the body. He doesn't even know what type of operation we have going on. Kill him. It will save me the trouble."

            "What?! No! I'm the one in charge!"

            "Oh shut up!" Buffy said, breaking the squabble. "It doesn't matter. My guess is you both know where my sister is so take me there, or I'm going to kill at least one of you…. Regardless of who is more important. We'll flip a coin for it. Equal opportunity; no musty robe required."

            The room quieted for a moment, with the fight temporarily halted and everyone weighing the options. But the silence was quickly broken when the robed demon started to talk in an eerie voice. "You're awfully confident for a girl that doesn't even have a stake."

            "You don't have a stake?" Spike asked her incredulously.

            "Well I thought I'd be home before sunset!" She said sheepishly.

            "Now Slayer, what have I always told you?"

            "Yeah yeah… A slayer must always carry her weapon. I know. But this is still partly your fault."

            The minion watched the exchange in total bafflement before he finally put a stop to it. "Slayer, I think you better reevaluate the situation. Things are about to get very interesting for you."

            "Yeah, I bet they are," Spike snarked… before stopping cold with a look of horror on his face. The robed minion didn't wait another second to punch Spike hard in the jaw, and the vamp didn't waste anytime tackling Buffy (who was in a similar condition) to the ground.

            At first there wasn't much going on. Spike stood alone, or until various creatures started beating the crap out of him. Then he saw Dawn. "Dawn!" But she didn't even toss a glance his way. She was too busy carrying on a jovial conversation with Buffy.

            Buffy noticed him, though, and came towards him. Spike cowered away from her until his back was against the bathtub and he could go no further. "Hello Spike."

            "This isn't real."

            "Of course it is, Spike," She said seductively as she began to unbutton his shirt.

            "Get off of me."

            "But Spike… you love me."

            "No. This isn't real."

            "But you love me… Let yourself love me." She pleaded, as she proceeded to pin him to the ground while he struggled. "Oh come on. You like this. You belong in the dark…"

            "Stop!" He yelled, trying to get up.

            "Make it stop!" she screamed back, hitting him hard.

            Then things were less simple. It wasn't just Buffy beating him. It was faces of so many others knocking him down, frightening him, biting him. Person after person until someone grabbed his right hand.

            "Spike!" Buffy yelled, "We have to snap out of it long enough to get Dawn," she said in a strained voice as she kicked the vampire with both legs, bracing herself on Spike's back.

            And he was crying. "Buffy, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… I just couldn't control… it's not me anymore… I…"

            "Spike! It's not real. Vamp and demon wearing a tablecloth, very real, however." Then she winced, disabled again for a few seconds before she got her bearings back. "And I'm sorry too."

            Spike opened one eye, and then another. The minion punched him in the face for it, but at least he was cogent enough to hit him back. "Buffy," he said hoarsely, while thrusting the stake bearing her name into her hand. "I say we squash these buggers and find Dawn ourselves." He suggested as he broke the monster's neck.

            "Sounds good," she said, turning towards him brushing the dust from her hands.

            "You doing all right?" He asked with a head tilt.

            "Yeah… Look," she said, motioning to a bright black cloud dissipating quickly. "Not so tough without its minions to beat up on us, is it?"

            "It's probably just regrouping. Unfortunately, finding Dawn won't be as convenient as finding this place was."

            "And if you'd said, 'hopefully Dawn will be as easy to find as this place' I wouldn't have been." Dawn quipped, stumbling into the cavern. "You watch enough movies, Spike. You know how it goes. In fact… I bet we could win almost every battle if we did the 'speaking too soon' thing in a negative way.

            "Dawn!" Buffy said excitedly, running towards her sister. "I'm so grounding you!" She added, in the same excited tone.

            "Yeah… Peachy." Dawn said, not overly worried. "Well… My guess is Dumb and Dumber heard you and dropped me in a corner before they could take me to wherever they were going, but we should probably get out of here now or," she paused and then continued, exaggerating every word, "I'm sure that there are actually many, large and scary demons here that are going to keep us from getting out safe and sound… and that we're never going to get out… and we're never going to win the lottery… and I'm going to stay grounded."

            "All right, Dawn." Buffy said, taking Dawn's hand. "Now I _know_ your weird Murphy's law, movie theory is incorrect… because you're going to stay grounded, even if we die, so we better jet."

            "Huh?"

            "Come on." Spike said, taking charge (and Buffy's hand). "Let's 'jet,' so Buffy can ground you, and so Giles can ground Buffy." And with that, the three, hand in hand, ran down the tunnel.


End file.
